From Fear to Freedom
1st Bald Beauty Queen in North Carolina
My alopecia experience began right after my 25th birthday. I would wake up to find coin sized, round, bald patches on my scalp. My biggest fear at the time, was that I would become completely bald. As most people do after receiving a diagnosis of any illness, I searched the internet for information, answers and pictures. I remember getting a knot in my stomach whenever I saw pictures of men, women and children with different forms of Alopecia Areata. I did not want to look like that and I certainly did not want to deal with this situation for the rest of my life knowing that there is no medical cure. I wondered what I had done in my life to deserve this kind of punishment. It all felt so unfair. I mean, I was a nice person. Hadn’t I endured enough trauma in my life already? What made God think this would be a challenge that I could handle given my history of low self esteem? Had he not been paying attention all these years?! I was angry inside. I was confused, afraid and I felt very “unlucky” to say the least. There was no way that I could anticipate that those painful moments and heavy emotions would eventually give way to my present reality.
“Time may heal all wounds but we must do the work of cleaning out the wound so that it can heal properly.” ~SDG
Over the past 12 years, I have gone through many stages in my alopecia experience. It wasn’t until 2008 that I became ready to move forward in my healing process and take a position of leadership to help others liberate themselves from the pain I decided to leave behind. I could not carry the burden of feeling bad or waiting for my hair to grow back anymore. If being bald for life was my sentence, I was going to live it up in my cell and party like a rock star! When it was time to let go, I simply made a conscious decision to choose freedom over fear. Helping others became my way of turning lemons into lemonade and putting the pain of alopecia in a choke hold. Once I started to speak out, it became clear that my experience was bigger than me. I saw that my story was a universal lesson that everyone could learn from about self esteem. Stepping out was not only allowing me to solidify the truth in myself but it became an example for others of the power of perspective and the ability we each have to change our minds and create a new experience in our lives.
A New Crown and Glory
On Saturday, March 26, 2011, I decided to push my personal envelope a little farther. Coming out of my comfort zone, doing something I had never done before, I competed in a beauty pageant and won the crown of 2011 Mrs. Black North Carolina! It was one of the greatest moments in my life for so many reasons. Not only was I standing for myself to prove that I was just as beautiful, talented, qualified and capable as the other flawless contestants, I stood as a representative for a population of women who may struggle with low self esteem and feel as though they are not good enough with hair or without. I stood for my two daughters who cheered me on from the audience to show them that all things are possible when we believe in ourselves, no matter what. I stood as a warrior defeating the monster of alopecia that comes to slay us of our self esteem by taking away what we were taught to believe is our crown and glory.
On this day, I celebrated my New Crown and Glory. In exchange for my full head of hair, I have been blessed with a full understanding of the beauty that lies within me and in others. I had never in my life dreamed of competing in a beauty pageant. Ironically, even when I had hair, it was never a thought that crossed my mind. This year, with brand new eyes, I saw that entering a beauty pageant would afford me the opportunity to prove to the world that our beauty has nothing to do with hair or any of our physical attributes. Our true crown and glory can never be taken away or even won in a pageant. It is the essence of ME. It is the essence of YOU. Mind, Body and Spirit. I am honored and grateful to have won the crown but for this accomplishment, God truly gets all the glory!
The Project Liberation Movement
As 2011 Mrs. Black North Carolina, my goal is to tour the United States raising awareness of Alopecia Areata and to promote healthy self esteem in women of all ages. This is my “Project Liberation Movement” and I plan to go into schools, churches, speak to women’s groups and at conferences to share my message through words and song. My personal anthem is a song I wrote entitled, “I’m Beautiful.” I sing it every where I go and the response is overwhelming. Please support my efforts today by downloading this music to help me get this message out to those who need it most.
“Project Liberation; My Alopecia Experience Music Soundtrack” is available for digital download on ITUNES, CD Baby, Amazon and other online record stores. Thank you in advance for your financial support, words of encouragement and most importantly, your prayers.
Click the link below to view the news coverage of my 1st performance as 2011 Mrs. Black North Carolina courtesy of WRAL.